Sep 23, 20199 min read

Discovering Space, Confidence, Strength, and Wholeness

Updated: Sep 28, 2019

This month we celebrate national yoga month and today we embrace the Autumnal Equinox, the first day of fall: a season of change, transition, and balance.

Physical well-being: Do you have good health and enough energy to do what you want to do every day? With thriving physical well-being, you will look better, feel better and live longer (Tom Rath, Five Elements of Wellbeing). This element encompasses a combination of healthy food choices that work for your body, exercising/moving your body in some way multiple times a week, and the right amount of sleep (8 hours). As Gallup's research shows, exercising at least two days a week for at least 20 minutes can significantly improve your mood and energy.

Physical well-being, mainly the exercising part, has been the most difficult for me to keep up over the years. As with many areas of our life, it ebbs and flows. For me, physical well-being has been connected to feeling good on the inside while also feeling good on the outside. My goal has never been to be the thinnest person, but I’ve always wanted to be healthy with my body type and I’ve realized the numbers on the scale do not always define that for me.

Through the years, I’ve allowed the common exercising barriers to get in the way of me thriving in this element (at this link you can find strategies to overcome these barriers):

Lack of financial resources (OR having the financial means, but thinking that a gym membership was too expensive- this was my problem)
Scheduling conflicts and lack of time (earlier in my career, my days were full and I didn't "have"the time or energy to work out- this was my excuse)
Inconvenience (location)
Lack of motivation and support
Negative mindset (something I HAD to do; most of the focus on my size and weight)
Weather (it's raining... I guess I can't run today, shoot..)
Lifestyle changes
Boredom (for me it also felt lonely)
Illness
Embarrassment
Travel

In high school, having set sports practice times made it easy to maintain this element of well-being. After high school, it was harder to find and stick to a workout that I enjoyed and wanted to commit to over an extended period of time. In college, my exercise routine was non-existent, I didn’t see it as a priority. I tried running for a while, but I really didn’t enjoy it; I found it lonely, boring, and would catch myself being disappointed in my ability and performance. As a result, it was so easy to make excuses and prioritize ANYTHING over going for a run. However, I am proud to share that I did complete a 10K with my mom and dad for my mom's birthday in 2015, a gift she was really excited to share with us! It was awesome to train and run with my parents on weekends when I was home from grad school- I even hit my desired PR (personal record) at the race. During the training, I could see and feel the progress I was making; I was becoming stronger and had more energy throughout the day. I felt great! However, after the race my hips started to hurt and since I did not have something else to train for, I took extra days of rest, which turned into a month then two months. When I tried to run again, I found running boring, lonely, and harder than when I started; I quickly slipped back into my undisciplined ways. I was noticing a pattern and wondered if I was capable of actually stick to a routine; I wanted to get back into exercising, but I knew running was not my answer.

Earlier this year, I was going through some personal and professional challenges and changes and I knew I needed to get back into not only healthy physical shape, but also healthy emotional shape. I was seeking a place and routine where I could be one with myself while also moving my body; I was in search of loving and feeling good about my whole self. I had gone to a few yoga classes before back in college, a few times in Lincoln, and once with my mom (who is a yoga instructor for those who do not know) to a hot CorePower class in MN which I almost passed out in, but I had never fully understood, or as I now realize, appreciated the practice. It was alright, I got a bit of a workout, but I didn't see the purpose of it as a form of exercise. I also knew that yoga was one of the most expensive memberships you could have and for those who know me, I am very money cautious. Lastly, since I didn't know how to do many of the poses, a part of me was embarrassed to go, I didn't want to be seen as a beginner or as "imperfect." I had all of the excuses locked and loaded.

Then, one day in early March, I remember I felt way off balance, which was accompanied by high anxiety, and thinking, “I need yoga in my life”. That afternoon, I went to a yin yoga class at Lotus House of Yoga in Lincoln , a Lincoln original yoga studio which is a 10-minute walk from my apartment and work: "At Lotus, we believe that yoga exists to still the winds of the mind and uncover the sleeping power within; everybody has the tools to live their strengths, to know pure joy and to be happy". Yin yoga "is a slow-paced style of yoga with poses that are held for longer periods of time that apply moderate stress to the connective tissues of the body with the aim of increasing circulation in the joints and improving flexibility; as a more meditative approach to yoga, its goals are awareness of inner silence, and bringing to light a universal, interconnecting quality". During that class, the instructor, Melanie, informed the group that we, human beings and especially women, often hold emotions in our hips. She then guided us through a hip opening pose and in that moment, the flood gate opened with tears rolling down my cheeks; the release of emotions of past and present experiences came rushing out. This was new, cleansing, and freeing. One week later, I went to the 9:30 am Saturday power yoga class, which is more focused on strengthening the core. Immediately after the class ended, I purchased a 3 month unlimited membership using the university employee discount, 2 days before my 28th birthday. The excuses were up, I had found what I was searching for; I was starting my journey as a student of yoga.

"Yoga is the practice of self-love and self-acceptance; to honor and recognize where you are in the moment and loving that. Yoga is the practice of self-healing that brings all parts of you- mind, body, and soul- into union."

When I first started practicing yoga, there were many poses I couldn't do and seeing other people do them so easily caused me wonder how long has it taken them to master that pose and would I ever get to that point? I specifically remember when I couldn't go into full lizard- pictured below.

First off, I had no idea what the teacher was talking about. Then looking around at the other people in the class, I felt embarrassed since everyone seemed to go into the pose so naturally. All of a sudden, I had this fear that everyone was looking at me, judging me because I couldn’t do it. A silly, but real self-limiting thought. I later learned that no one cares, no one is watching you, no one is judging you, everyone is there focused on themselves in a beautiful way; to grow in strength and balance. It was all in my head; I have learned the power of getting out of my head and focusing on my breath, on the present moment in order to let go of everything else. It has been fulfilling to track my own progress and growth through practicing. I can now do poses I never thought I would be able to do, including lizard. The first time I could actually go into full lizard without thought or effort, I had to pause, catch my breath and say to myself "holy shit, it's working!"

For the first month, I built up the courage to try a hot power class again: "A vigorous vinyasa practice, this powerful sequence builds heat and demands strength; this class takes the body from full throttle to serene soul through inversions, arm balances, and lots of deep breathing! It is designed to detoxify your mind and body on a cellular level, with the temp set around 100 degrees". As I mentioned above, I had gone to one hot yoga class with my mom during my gap year between college and grad school, but I could barely get through the practice and almost passed out. I was nervous and afraid that I would feel that same way, but I knew I had to get out of my head, out of my comfort zone and try again. On Monday, April 22nd I went to my first hot power yoga class at Lotus taught by the amazing Vanessa and... I LOVED IT! I felt stronger, physically and mentally, and made it through without a problem, I overcame that anxiety and fear. I now crave the class and go 3-4 times a week with either Megan, Melanie, or Brittany as the teachers.

"Yoga is the dance between control and surrender- between pushing and letting go- and when yo push and when to let go become part of the creative process, part of an open-ended exploration of your being."

Through this experience I have learned that for me, to thrive in my physical well-being, I need an activity that fits me and my lifestyle; an activity that I am excited to go and brings positive energy into my life. I have also learned that I needed to re-frame how I thought about working o. At times, I felt like it was something that got in my way or took away from other things in my life. Now, I see it as something that provides more to my life, allowing me to feel good about who I am in all ways.

While my goal in practicing yoga was to strengthen my physical and emotional health, I have received so much more than I had expected:

I have gained flexibility, balance, strength, calmness and groundedness.
I have better posture, as pointed out by my mother who is the posture police :)
My sleep has improved, sleeping soundly 8-9 hours a night.
My overall health has improved with better eating habits and a more regulated digestive system; I feel less bloated and have more energy throughout the day!
Yoga has helped me to use my breath to clear and calm my anxious, overthinking mind, providing an emotional release of negative emotions and allowing in more positive emotions and energy.
I have gained a community of people through Lotus who are also striving for growth; who encourage and celebrate the goodness of people. Yoga has also allowed me to strengthen my relationships with family and friends who also practice (shout out to my mom and Lauren), who I can support and grow along side with.
I am more courageous, less afraid to take risks and more willing to go outside of my comfort zone.
I am letting go more and more of perfectionism; fully aware that when I try a new pose, it WILL NOT be perfect the first, second or even third time. I am encouraged to try, mess up, laugh at myself and try again, knowing that I will only get stronger in the process.
I have gained muscle and have slimmed down, and as a result, my clothes fit better and I feel healthy and happy in my own skin.
I have learned to be grateful for both the positive and challenging experiences as I now have the strength to let go of what does not serve me and let in the good to keep moving forward.
I am more patient and kinder towards myself, learning to listen to what my body needs; if today is not a day for balancing, that's alright, tomorrow is a new day.
Yoga had provided the time and space to meditate, which has decreased my worry-filled thoughts.
I am more present and mindful of where my mind, heart, and body are at in the moment.
I have gained more confidence in my authentic self.
I feel happier and more fulfilled.

At the top of Tom, Dick, and Harry Mountain in Mt. Hood, Oregon

"Yoga is the perfect opportunity to be curious about who are you." -Jason Crandel

Now, 6 months later, yoga is a beautiful, almost daily, practice in my life. After every class, I am more energized and a fuller version of myself. When I am on my mat, I focus my attention on me, letting go of what people think, worries of the day, and negative thoughts. Even if for just that hour, I feel so free and at peace. Yoga has taught me patience, forgiveness, love, and courage. It has taught me that in life, we are all beginners and it is our dedication and passion that transitions us to the next level. Flowing from one pose into the next with ease, grace, and strength feels incredible; I feel alive. Yoga is the place where I go to exercise and strengthen my mind, body, and soul, each time becoming stronger and feeling more joyful and whole in the process.

Although it was not my initial goal when I started yoga again, this month I celebrate over 100 yoga classes since March. 100 times I have made it to the mat even when I was tired, had a full day, or was traveling. 100 hours of investing in myself, physically, mentally, and financially. 100 classes and 6 months of growth, change, and transformation. Although I have seen so much progress already, I am excited to see where I will be 100 classes from now.

To my fellow yogi's and amazing yoga teachers, thank you for sharing this journey with me. I am beyond grateful for your guidance, love, and support. Namaste: “the light in me recognizes and honors the light in you".

"Yoga is not about self-improvement, it's about self-acceptance."- Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa