2019 taught me the true meaning of strength, resiliency, and hope. I learned this past year that while so many of us are surrounded by people everyday, it is in these moments when we can feel the most alone. Although technology and social media has made it easier for people to stay connected, they have also created increased levels of feeling alone. As some research states, loneliness has become an epidemic. According to the The Economist and the Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF), more than two in ten adults in the United States (22%) say they always or often feel lonely, lack companionship, or feel left out or isolated (Forbes, 2019). "Loneliness is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, depression and anxiety" (US Surgeon General, Harvard Business Review).
Coming into 2020, I felt a surge of positive energy; I wanted to really listen and tap into my intuition, to say YES to opportunities that aligned with my purpose and allowed me to embrace vulnerability to build meaningful connections among people. A month ago over brunch, my friend Emma and I discussion how powerful it would be if someone held a women’s retreat to promote vulnerability and connection. We quickly realized well, why can’t WE be that someone? What started as an energizing, passion filled idea soon became a reality within a few weeks. During the planning process, we asked ourselves, 'what is our theme? What do we want these women to walk away with? How do we want them to feel?' Many words emerged through our creative brainstorm: laughter, joy, comfort, celebrating, healing, letting go, curiosity, relationships, power, truth, authenticity, gratitude. However, three words became the heart of what we were hoping to create and achieve during our time together: connection, community, and courage.
In her TEDx Talk, Shasta Nelson dives into this loneliness epidemic to share a way forward: "When I asked over 6,000 people in the last couple of years, 'How fulfilling are your friendships on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most satisfying how close do you feel with your friends?' On any of my surveys, anywhere between 50 to 70% of us score a five or below. We are not just leaning toward dissatisfaction with our closest of our relationships; we are two to four times more likely to put a one or a two than we are to say we're fulfilled with a nine or ten. This is a lot of relationship dissatisfaction; we are hungry for being close to each other."
Her solution to this problem, Frientimacy: "A relationship where both people feel seen in a safe and satisfying way.” The frientimacy triangle:
Positivity: social science tells us that every relationship to stay healthy has to have a ratio of five positive interactions for every negative interaction. When we want friendship, we want the reward, we want joy, we want to feel good. This comes from smiles and laughter and kindness and acts of service and empathy and validation, gratitude, affirmation -all those things that leave us feeling accepted.
Vulnerability: where we share, where we reveal, where we let people in and let more of us be seen.
Consistency: the time we spend together. This is where we make rituals and we create patterns. We increase our interactions. This is where we get to know each other.
She goes on to explain that"this triangle is not about how much we like somebody; this triangle is about how much we practice the three requirements of friendship with somebody, and the only way we get somebody to the top of this triangle is by developing those relationships by practicing these three things. So by the time somebody is at the top of the triangle, they have truly seen us, making us feel heard, valued, and appreciated for who we are."
When we step into our power, into our courage, we create this beautiful space for vulnerability and connection, and thus, magic happens.
Amazing and powerful connections were made in under 24 hours! It's a safe inviting space that you can choose to spend thinking quietly or chatting through thoughts and emotions.- Retreat Participant
My family and friends have asked how the retreat went and my response, magical. It felt so true and so right. It felt like we were all in state of flow all weekend; time didn't exist. The vulnerability, trust, and courage I witnessed was incredible. This weekend reminded me that at our core, we ALL need to feel loved and valued. What an honor it was to hold this space for these women, helping to spark something in them that had been dimmed, reminding them of the power within and encouraging them to let their light shine.
I am so grateful that I stepped out from my comfort zone to attend this event, which has helped me to realize that everyone is struggling in their lives and the most important thing about it is that we can all learn from each others' struggles and be there for any person that we can help.
Thank you for being open to receiving all of us, regardless of our background or current situation in life. The diversity in our life stories extremely valuable.
You ladies brought so much joy into my weekend and made my heart feel fuller than it has in awhile. I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't feel at all like it was the first time you had put on an event like this. It was flawlessly planned and I loved the atmosphere created. I would recommend all my friends to take the time to come to something like this because we can't get through life without each other! Thank for your helping me find my sunshine!
Thank you to the women who paused, who showed up, who shared their stories, and who stepped into their power to create a space of courage, connection, and community. Thank you to my Pisces partner in planning, Emma, for your fearless, vibrant soul and for saying YES to this new adventure. I am so grateful for you! To everyone reading this, please remember, you’re not alone. The world needs you.
There is nothing to fear in the stillness, except, the waking of your own power.
How can you apply the frientimacy triangle more in your relationships?
Where do you feel safe to be your most authentic, vulnerable self? With who?
What would it look like if you shared more?
What do you want to share?
Great writing, Sam. You and Emma are doing such powerful work for women. I’m so proud of you two and can’t wait to see what you come up with next. I’m awed.
Sound like a very magical retreat indeed!
My new fav word Frientimacy! Thanks for sharing Sam!
It truly was a magical weekend. Grateful for your authentic self leading the way and creating the space for everyone to tap into their inner selves. Your talent and heart shine so brightly, Sam!