For a few weeks now, I have had writer's block. I've been so excited to share with you all the new beginnings that are ahead, but every time I opened this page, my mind went blank. Or rather, on overdrive, with so much I wanted to say. Then, this morning, it clicked.
Last night, Allyson (a good friend and fellow WYLD guide) and I were practicing for our upcoming WYLD Wisdom Wednesday gathering (45-minutes of sacred space to reconnect to self. This is not a workshop, but rather, a guided time to be still and come back to your center, all from the comfort of your own home. Take space to pause and collect new insights from WYLD guides to support you as you navigate the month ahead with purpose and hope) and this month's theme is Shitty Rough Drafts: New Beginnings and I had a revelation; I was trying to write from a place of perfection.
Perfection is an unrealistic destination many of us attempt to get to and in the end, we are left defeated and disappointed. Writing cannot come from this place, it has to come from the heart, the soul. As Allyson has so beautifully taught me through her living it, writing gives life to our inner most truth. It shines light on the tiny treasures we often keep hidden. For me, writing is a ritual, a practice, a form of emotional release and expression; a holistic form of reflection and healing. Writing helps me to connect the dots of what is going on in my head and heart to make more sense of it all. So, this morning, I sat down and started with a shitty rough draft...let's see where it leads us.
At the end of 2020, going into 2021, I felt jolts of energy to make a change. My intuition was itching to be heard, begging for me to listen to her. In an earlier blog post, I shared my mix of emotions leaving home, after 8 months, and the uncertainty of coming back to Lincoln. A friend of mine, Bre, recently shared with me a podcast episode about change and transition. We usually view change as this big, scary risk- and yes, there is risk that comes with change- however, this mindset gets in our way, it creates barriers and has us doubt our intuition. We then get caught up in the 'what could go wrong', rather than celebrate 'what could go great?!' In this episode, Case challenges us to think about change as a transition and reminds us that transitions are a necessary part of life, like the change of the seasons. They come, they go, old things die off so new things can bloom. It is in the transition- and navigating the emotions that come along, such as fear, excitement, doubt, joy, and hope for what is ahead- when we truly experience growth and thus, can evolve and expand.
As I shared in my 2020: Year of Trust Post:
For the collective humanity, this year has been filled with challenges, uncertainty, fear, and also opportunities and new beginnings. 2020 challenged me to look at life from a different perspective, to ask myself "What REALLY gives my life meaning and purpose? When, where, and with who am I the most energized?" I learned the importance of slowing down, taking more breaths, and finding joy in the everyday moments. This is what I want to take with me into 2021.
2021: Year of Curiosity (over control/perfectionism)
At the end of 2020, I did my animal card year spread where I pull a card for each month and then a card for the year.
2021: Year of the Butterfly
"Undergoing great change and transformation.
The energy of the Butterfly is with us during periods of transition. Since Air is the element of the heart, this change usually involves relationships (or if you love your job, perhaps your career). Since transition is accompanied by some amount of discomfort, be extra patient during this time, especially if the butterfly is you. Let solid friends and activities support you like a cocoon."
And as always, the Universe was giving me a glimpse of what was to come.
In March, I turned 30 AND I'm experiencing my Saturn return. "The Saturn Return is when Saturn returns to the same place in the sky that it occupied at the moment of a person's birth. This return hits in the late 20s and its impact is felt into the early 30s. This is a wake-up call. When you're young, there seems infinite time to decide what you want to be 'when you grow up.' Well, Father Time swoops down as you're nearing 30 to say, you're all grown up now, pick a path."
People have different reactions to turning 30. Either they are like 'ahhhh, how do you feel about turning 30?'- with a scared, hesitancy in their voice- OR people are like '30+, best years of your life, this is when life starts to make sense.' 30 has this weird pressure attached to it- disclaimer: maybe this is just in the Midwest. At 30, you SHOULD have, be, do_________. I would totally agree that there is some magic happening with turning 30, 40, 50 ect.... and YOU get to define what that magic is to you. There is no special formula or 'right' path, you get to decide what aligns with you and when; you have the choice. Honestly, I am so excited to be 30! I feel like I was made for 30- an old soul that was trapped in a body not yet living in the aligned time period. All of this to say: turning 30 + Saturn Return= big life shifts happening in the Universe, so no surprise that I have been feeling this pull for change.
On another related note, my mom also recently shared that there's something extraordinary about the number 7 in relation to transitions and change- 'during year 7, you will make fast strides toward the realization of your goals and attain victory over obstacles that may appear in your life'. 7 years ago is when I moved to Lincoln- it all makes sense.
In 2014, 23 year-old Sam thought coming to Lincoln, NE for graduate school would be a two year visit then back to MN, but the Universe had different plans for her. During my second year of graduate school, Mark Pogue came to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln (UNL) and started the Clifton Strengths Institute and I remember walking up to him on day one and and saying, 'hi, I need to be a part of this.' 5.5 years later, we have built and spread a mission that has impacted the lives of over 7,500 individuals, helping them to discover their greatest potential for success through leveraging their CliftonStrengths.
People would ask how long I thought I would stay in Lincoln and I would say I don't know, however, I think my heart always knew. I would respond with 'I'm not sure, but the year 30 keeps popping into my head'. I have always known that Lincoln wasn't my forever, it was a stop on the path, a stop that has taught me so much. There were moments when I was mad that I was in Lincoln and not home. However, over the past three years, I have gained such an appreciation and gratitude for this city.
Lincoln is where I built a community of friends who have supported me through some of my most challenging and brightest years.
A place where I created a program from scratch and realized that yeah, I am a builder (entrepreneur).
It is where I found my voice to advocate for myself.
A place where I learned the difference between being lonely and being alone.
It's here where I fell completely and utterly in love with myself.
Lincoln is where I grew as a coach and as a manager.
It was the stop on my journey that I needed to continue to guide me onto what is next.
What we have built with the CSI is something that I will be forever grateful for and proud of. This community of students and staff is something special. The CSI train has such momentum as it is full steam ahead towards new landscapes and welcomes new people aboard. This is my stop and as the train moves forward, you will catch me cheering it on with so much joy!
After 12 years, it is time for me to say yes to the next chapter, to what is ahead and to celebrate all that I have created up to this point. I am headed back home, a place with humans who fill my heart and soul with so much love and joy- a place where I feel so alive. I will be expanding my coaching business through WYLD Leadership and can't wait to continue to spread the mission of strengths and helping others towards creating a fulfilling life and career.
To my Lincoln community, thank you for being the supportive cocoon I didn't know I needed for the past 7 years. I am so grateful for all who have been apart of my Lincoln chapter. Now, it's time to spread my wings and fly.
I'm comin' home, I'm comin' home, tell the world I'm comin' home.
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
love this... “writing gives life to our inner most truth. It shines light on the tiny treasures we often keep hidden.“
So admire and happy you have learned to appreciate life as a journey, your spirit and practice will take you far Samantha!
Great post, and great decision Sam - here’s to the beginning of a great adventure!
So happy you found the podcast helpful, and so thankful to have had you in my life here in Lincoln, Sam Kennelly! You’re truly incredible, and I’m so excited to see your journey continue. :)