What a journey this last year has been, for us all.
In my start of 2020 post, Living Life on Purpose: A Year of Evolving, I wrote the following:
"Over the past few years, in place of the traditional New Years resolutions, I have chosen a word or theme for the year to provide direction and guidance, allowing myself to me more mindful of the life I am creating. For a few weeks now, I’ve had this strong feeling that positive change is coming and to make the most of it, I need to instill TRUST in myself, in others and in what is ahead.
2020- Year of Trust
'Life is moving us in new directions. Trust is key as life shifts in big ways. Questions might seem unanswerable, the future unknown, but you're in the perfect place. Even if you have the perception you're in control, you're not. Grace surrounds the situation and steers the wheel.'- Kim Krans, Animal Spirit Guidebook"
Wow... if only my past self knew how spot on her intuition was when selecting the word trust for 2020. In January, I started a new ritual adding entries into the Day One journal app (which was shared with me by Emma's mom Deanna, a magical gift that at the time, I didn't realize how much it would impact me this year). The app, which allows you to add text, videos, photos, and audio recordings, quickly became a virtual place where I could capture the everyday, ordinary moments that brought extraordinary insights. At the start of quarantine in March, I began to consistently add daily entries to help me focus on the present with gratitude in order to provide groundedness and hope. Reflecting over my entries this past year, so much growth has happened and there were so many signs reminding me to trust what is and what is yet to come: 346 entries, 255 videos, 43 audio recordings, 2,108 photos and 1 year of Trust.
In one of my first posts, Animal Spirit Cards: What to they mean and how do they provide meaning?, I explain the significance of the animal spirit guidebook in my life and how it provides opportunities to reflect, dive deeper, and seek new ways to look at our lives. In January of 2020, I did a full year spread: 1 card for each month and 1 year card. Below, I share insights and inspirations that align with the energy from each monthly card.
January: Wolf "Guardian of family and tribe; activism; ritual; mentorship, teaching; embrace all, exclude none; reliable; fearless; practice letting go."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Teaching two classes, guiding students to find their inner truth to grow into strengths-based leaders and coaches to help others on their personal journey.
Growing in my coaching techniques and skills. New coaching opportunities being presented.
Creating space for rituals that focus energy on my mental and emotional health (25 books for 2020 reading challenge, keeping up with yoga practice, joining Meghan's reading circle).
Starting to dream about a women's yoga retreat with Emma (this is when our relationship really started to blossom : ) ).
Letting go self-doubt and just starting to lean in to what it means to be free and not being held back by perceived expectations of what I think I "should" be doing.
January 26 entry: "Walking back from Meghan's reading circle, powerful afternoon connecting with women and sharing our vulnerability: 'do you want to be right or free? What are you resisting versus accepting?' My next step has been coming up a lot...what does it look like? How will I know? Am I ready? How can I be open and trust?"
February: Whale "Desire to delve deeper; profound peace; emotional health and stability; depth that is rare; deeply compassionate; trust them to be a beacon in our darkest hour; calm; regular self care."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Providing myself with compassion and kindness as I was going through a personal growth period, releasing feelings of self-shaming and guilt, while friends supported me.
Yoga practice- 15 classes completed and feeling strong and balanced.
Emma and I hosting our first women’s retreat together.
Sharing my insights around rewriting our personal "story" on the RISE coaching panel.
February 28 entry: "Practicing being present, thinking about what is in my control, letting go of self-blame from past suffering, helping to remind me that I am not alone and channeling Whale energy to be my light...Gratitude carries me forward, it gives my heart and soul a purpose and direction; it brings joy and peace. I am fully loving myself and sharing my inner gifts."
March: Oyster "Patient; hiding inner treasures; take inner gifts for granted; shy and doubtful; reveal inner treasurers; the world is waiting to see."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Experiencing signs around life changes, new chapter, destiny; reflecting on building out and promoting my personal brand.
A woman at the DMV asked if I can share my gifts and be her coach.
Beginning my 29th year! A few days after my birthday, our world being impacted by COVID and having the opportunity to live with my parents in their new home on the lake.
Day 16-March 31 entry: "I just noticed a family of deer outside of my window. Tonight is our first coach class Taylor and I will teach online and I feel a little anxious- everyone is going through so much transition and change right now- how can I provide them with the support and care they need? 'Deer- nurturing and calm; their inner beauty radiates and a sense of grace calms the room. They may appear when a situation calls for absolute gentleness and compassion.' We have created this course to be a community, a family, and because of that, we will be ok, we will be strong."
April: Starfish "Exquisite beauty, mesmerizing; reliant on what other people think of them for so long they have forgotten their deeper callings; positive friends."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Waves of low energy and creating space for rest, while being marveled by the changing of the season and seeing spring emerge. Most of my entries are about riding the emotional waves, trusting self, and putting my energy into people who lift me up.
Day 19-April 3 entry: "I woke up sad, anxious, tired, and a little defeated. What a beautiful sign from the universe for me to look at Instagram within minutes of the @techiesandwellness webinar starting led by a longtime friend whom I haven't seen in years and I knew I needed to join; to be and breathe in this moment and release those emotions. Thank you Annie Werner for creating such a comforting, safe, open space of healing for us to be vulnerable, giving us the courage to ride this wave and continue forward."
May: Crow "Spiritually strong, creative, watchful; a symbol of magic, gift for seeing the unseen and knowing the unknown; balance life with healthy diet, joyful friends, and regular self-study."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Exploring ways to expand my coaching and learning new skills.
Spending quality time with people in my Cumberland community.
Day 48-May 2 entry: "This card is guiding me to really think about my role with WYLD and saying YES to my magic I can give to the world and to really think about who I want surrounding my spirit."
June: Crocodile "Resting, submerging, collecting energy; turn inward, not the time for decisions or action, the mantra is wait- it means intentionally withdrawing, gathering our awareness, observing and building energy; fill up the vital reserves so your next move comes from a place of wisdom and power."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Listening, learning, and growing in my anti-racist journey to allyship and advocacy.
Volunteering in the twin cities to support the community.
Day 79-June 2 entry: "Black Lives Matter. Feeling a lot over the past few days and working on managing and navigating emotions. Channeling my input, learner, and empathy to educate myself and to really think beyond self and out towards others. Today is #blackouttuesday to spread the power of voices. I am struggling with how to help or support and reflecting on am I doing this to make myself feel better, to be 'seen' as a 'good' white person, to 'prove' that I am not a racist or am I doing it to be vulnerable and step into the ring to listen and learn? Trying to be patient and kind with myself; to learn from past situations to grow." My previous post, A New Awakening: Journey to Change, provides deeper insights and resources to learn and grow.
July: Rabbit "Afraid of everything, overwhelmed, frozen; rabbit energy is alive when we are scared (most often about the future) and we become our own worst enemy; notice your thoughts and words for they shape your destiny; good listener, day of silence."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Bouts of anxious energy throughout the month as I felt summer soon coming to a close. Focused on being present with gratitude and mindfully channeling positive, productive thoughts when I would start to go into an anxiety spiral. Starting my day with journaling and yoga under the rising sun, followed by a refreshing swim.
Read More Myself by Alicia Keys. A beautiful reminder to never let my light dim.
First warrior kid camping trip and first time sleeping in my hammock- AMAZING!
Day 120-July 13 entry: "In this moment, I am me. In the next moment, I am still me. In the moment after that, I am an older version, but still me. In the moments that follow, I aspire to be the me that my current me knows I can become. In this moment, I am me and that's exactly where I want to be."
August: Tarantula "At a crossroad, claiming and prioritizing life's deeper purpose to find true happiness or satisfaction will be fleeting; follow intuition, daily journaling."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Taking time and creating space to embrace my last few weeks in Cumberland with my family and friends: sailing, boat cruises, squat walks, night swims under the stars, full moon hunts, dance parties, Catan tournaments, sunset chasing kayak and canoe rides.
Listening to my intuition and going on a solo hike.
Day 142- August 4 entry: "I am one who is full hearted, open-hearted, clear-hearted, strong hearted; embracing all that is true in this moment. I am one who is sharing my light to light others. My vulnerability creates space for others to be vulnerable when I do this, it cannot be attached to expectations. I am still learning and growing; I am whole. I am in love with all versions of myself."
September: Dragon "Seeing one's most trust self; when dragon energy is awakened, we are courageous; breathing transformative fire into every cell of our bodies; the dragon see's beauty everywhere."
Key insights aligned with this card:
First few weeks back in Lincoln were extremely hard and emotional exhausting as I navigated change and transitioning to a different lifestyle after 5 months (previous post dives deeper).
Focusing my energy on helping Emma launch her flower pop-ups, which brought such joy and purpose!
Emma and I go on our rejuvenating Colorado road trip (previous post dives deeper).
Day 199-September 30 entry (More Myself blog post): "From this trip, I will take with me the value of pausing to regain strength. I will create more time and space to return to my sources of nectar to fuel my everyday routine. I will write more. I will give myself permission to disconnect. I will remember that I am my own life vest during the the high tide. I will continue to put my time and energy into what gives my life meaning and purpose. I will share my gifts with the world to help guide my path forward. I will continue to become more myself."
October: Fish "Restlessness, change of focus, lost in the current; with all the possibilities out there in the vast waters, the fish becomes lost without clear goals; adaptable, set a small goal and accomplish it."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Saying yes to me and my goals.
Starting more coaching with WYLD.
Reaching out to schedule safe, quality time with my Lincoln friends going on nature walks and hikes.
Day 218 October 19 entry: "I feel change coming. The barrier is fear. Fear of the uncomfortable, the unknown. I'm closer than ever before recognizing that fear and saying nope, not gonna hold me back. But I know there are more steps to take."
November: Lizard "Instinctual, expert in sensory perception; sixth sense, which can easily wear the Lizard down; pull back from the bright lights and big city; a creative project."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Successfully wrapping up a challenging semester and heading back to Cumberland for two months to reconnect, recharge, and rejuvenate.
Day 242-November 12 entry: "Time to pull back from the over stimulation and reconnect to my inner creative. Going back to a place where I feel like I can fully embrace my whole being."
December: Lamb "Peaceful, patient; the honest guidance you hear from an old friend or sometimes a surprising stranger; the wisdom resonates within you, truth is a gift, sit still, listen, and receive; inner peace, listening.
Key insights aligned with this card:
A lot of strong universal energy calling for stillness so we can listen and receive what is being presented to us: Winter solstice, Solar eclipse, the great conjunction, Saturn return (year of change and transformation), full moon in Cancer- 'I am open to receiving.'
Seeing deer and the number 3 as signs of healing and strength for Emma's dad, Greg.
A family of swans floating in front of the house then Grace pulling the Swan card for me for the full moon, reminding me to reconnect with self and share with others through writing.
Beautiful quality time with family over the course of the month embracing the winter season: 10,000 step challenge, snowshoe adventures in the snowy woods, cozy nights in playing games, dancing under the stars, laughter, kitchen dance parties, and meaningful life chats.
Day 273- December 13, 2020 "I am in a beautiful phase right now. I am feeling, hearing, seeing signs and listening to my intuition, to embrace what is coming. Along with that, I want to do it with curiosity, hope and from a place of stability. It's a growing phrase and really powerful growth is happening."
Year card: Eagle "Truth seeker; transformation; pushes us to be our best and brightest selves; bright, radiant; release control and step into the unknown."
Key insights aligned with this card:
Choosing the word trust before drawing this card and the Eagle acting as my guiding force throughout the year as I would see Eagles fly over the lake or overhead when feeling stuck or excited about new opportunities, reminding me to trust and embrace the unknown.
March 24- new moon in Aries, Eagle flew across the lake as we transitioned our in-person class to fully online and over Zoom.
April 16- Eagle flew overheard when Kristin asked me "what do you want to create" during our coaching call.
April 25- woke up feeling energized, ready for the day! Morning journaling outside, over looking the glass-like, still lake. Morning walk with mom and dad- birds chirping and singing, the warm sun on our faces, the cool spring morning air filling my lungs then an Eagle sighting across the lake.
July 24- Saw 2-4 Eagles overhead during evening boat cruise and also while dreaming about the future (step into the unknown).
November 28- Eagle sighting after cutting down our Christmas tree at the local tree farm.
December 1- First day of Kennelly family December 10,000 step challenge and an Eagle flies above my head and sits on the tree top up the road, right in front of me, as if they were waiting for me.
For the collective humanity, this year has been filled with challenges, uncertainty, fear, and also opportunities and new beginnings. 2020 challenged me to look at life from a different perspective, to ask myself "What REALLY gives my life meaning and purpose? When, where, and with who am I the most energized?" I learned the importance of slowing down, taking more breaths, and finding joy in the everyday moments. This is what I want to take with me into 2021.
2021: Year of Curiosity (over control/perfectionism)
What did you learn in 2020 that you want to bring with you?
What do you want to leave behind that does not serve you and your purpose?
What is your word/phrase for 2021 to help guide you forward?
What a beautiful year Samantha! A lot of continuous commitment to have 2020 laid out like this. Thank you for sharing your story. Love having more insights to your challenges, process to manage and all the incredible love for yourself and others.
Thanks for sharing your year with us Sam! You're truly an inspiration! :) I haven't done my year cards yet (I was hoping to do them with you!) but my word for 2021 is Balance. After all the 2020 craziness, it's definitely what I need most in the coming year! Love you! XOXO