How to Create Your Best Life: Part I

About a month ago, I facilitated a presentation to 80 graduating seniors who were enrolled in a required course that was aimed at helping them successfully transition from college to post-college life. To prepare for the session, I thought about what I wish I would have known going into the "real" world at 22 and now being in my late 20's, I reflected on all that I have learned since graduating college to help me create a meaningful life. Two weeks ago, I led a similar conversation with a group of women who gather every other week for coffee, life chats, and community. I received positive feedback from both groups, allowing me to realize that this is a conversation we all need at different stages of our life.

These experiences then sparked inspiration to write this blog series on How to Create Your Best Life. I do not have all of the answers or know all of the available resources, but I hope what has helped me thus far may help guide and provide support for you along your own journey. As suggested by a good friend, Anna, I have developed this topic as a series of posts to be able to share resources and strategies in smaller pieces. I encourage you to be curious and have fun testing out the activities, strategies, and tips shared within the posts. I like to think of the activities as exploration exercises; there is NO right or perfect way. If something doesn't work for you, try something else; we learn and grow through practice.

Three things to keep at the forefront of your mind through this exploration process:

Creating your best life...

1. Starts with YOU, loving yourself, knowing who you are and what you want

2. Requires that you stay true to your authentic self

3. Is always evolving as you experience different seasons of life

Love and joy to you all!

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Wheel of Life/Well-Being

The following exploration exercises will allow you to reflect on your level of satisfaction among key areas of your life and then begin to implement new strategies for growth and change.

Well-being is all the things that are important to how we think about and experience our lives (refer to my post on well-being for more insights).

1. Purpose Well-being: Do you like what you do every day? When you are thriving in purpose well-being, you will have something to look forward to every day and twice the odds of thriving in your life overall.

2. Social Well-being: Do you have strong relationships and love in your life? Your social Well-being is strongly influenced by your closest relationships and social connections.

3. Financial Well-being: Do you have enough money to do the things you want to do in life? Financial security has much more influence on your overall well-being than your income alone.

4. Physical Well-being: Do you have good health and enough energy to do what you want to do every day? With thriving Physical Well-being, you will look better, feel better and live longer.

5. Community Well-being: Do you take pride in your community? The positive outcomes of thriving community well-being might be the difference between having a good life and a great one (Gallup, 2019).

Reflect on the following questions:

1. Which element do you prioritize RIGHT NOW in your life?

2. On a scale 1-10 (1-suffering, 10- thriving), what number would you give this element? Explain the reasoning behind your number.

3. Where (which number) would you like to be in 6 months?

4. What needs to happen for you to get to that number?

Wheel of Life: Where are you now; Where are you going?

For the following eight areas, rate your level of satisfaction: o= not satisfied 10= highly satisfied

• Career/purpose

• Family and friends (you can separate these two areas)

• Romance

• Fun & recreation

• Health

• Financial

• Personal growth

• Physical environment

Complete the following:

1. Answer: If this wheel were a tire on your car, how bumpy would the ride be?

2. For each area, explain the meaning behind the number you assigned.

3. Which area(s) do you want to prioritize over the next 1-3 months?

4. Assign a new number to the area(s) you selected to focus on to align with where you want to be in 1-3 months.

5. Write down steps, goals, strategies that you would like to try for each selected area to get it to the number you want to see in the upcoming months; be curious and dream, no goal is too small or too big.

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Authenticity, Vulnerability, Perfectionism, and Courage

(For full definitions, refer to my post on the power of vulnerability)

1. What is your relationship with these words?

2. What do they look like in your life? How do they show up for you?

3. How do you want to grow with and through these?

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Your Best Day

When we are at our best, we feel alive. This exploration exercise will help you to identify when you are at your best so you can create more of your best days on purpose.

Think about your best day in the last 2 years and reflect on the following:

1. What were you doing?

2. Where were you?

3. Who was involved?

4. How were you feeling?

5. How can you recreate this similar experience? What needs to happen?

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Energy Level: The Value of our Time

This activity will bring awareness to where you spend a majority of your time and energy.

Our time and energy are precious. Envision yourself having an energy tank. When our tank is full, we have enough energy to do we need to do, we are more productive, we have more positive than negative reactions, we can handle difficult situations and challenges more easily, and we are overall happier, more confident, and have a more positive outlook on life. When are doing activities that align with our skills and strengths (flow), we fill our tank and feel a sense of euphoria, having inner clarity and calmness. When our tank is empty, we feel drained, unmotivated, disengaged, unhappy, and have low self-esteem; we have nothing more to give. We cannot give to others if we do not give to ourselves.

Reflect on the following questions:

1. On a scale of 1-10, what is your current energy level?

2. Where do you use your energy? How are you filling your time?

Complete the following exploration exercises (worksheet from Designing Your Life to download):

Make a list of what fills your energy tank (+):

1. Start with the basics: enough sleep, eating well, movement/exercise, sunshine/vitamin D, drinking enough water throughout the day

2. Self-care: time to self to recharge and care for your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. What works for you? (Examples: journaling, having enough time in the morning so you are not rushed, quality time with people you love, a warm bath, drawing, quiet time, exercise, breathing, meditation, take a walk, take a new route to work, self-date, laugh! write your future self a love letter; here is a list of 45 examples).

3. Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you

4. Activities that give you purpose and align with your skills and strengths

Make a list of what drains your energy tank (-):

1. Not meeting our basic needs (listed above)

2. Constantly being around negative people who you do not feel supported by

3. Giving to others, but maybe not receiving (necessary to find the balance)

Make a list of the activities in your daily life:

1. Put a (+) next to the activities that give you energy

2. Put a (-) next to the activities that drain your energy

3. Review your list: Do you have more (+) or (-) energy activities? (Having more (+) activities allows you to have the strength and energy to take on and overcome the (-) activities that might drain you)

4. What do you notice about your energy patterns?

5. What changes can you make to improve your energy flow?

6. Which energy filling (+) activities can you add to your daily routine starting tomorrow?

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Busy--> Full; Balance--> Wholeness

Busy has become a glorified status symbol in our society. When people ask us how we are doing and we answer with"busy," we are not provide them with anything meaningful or significant about our life and it makes it seem like everything in our life is negative or a burden. As Brené Brown explains in her interview with the Washington Post, "crazy-busy is a great armor, it’s a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy so that the truth of how we’re feeling and what we really need can’t catch up with us."

To help combat the 'crazy busy' response, a technique I have tried this past year is to answer how are you doing with"my life is full," meaning I have a lot going on, but life is full with people and activities I enjoy.

What would it look like in your life to shift your perspective from busy to full?

Balance--> Wholeness

Work-life balance is a common phrase and desirable goal for many. However, is it really obtainable? Can we TRULY have perfect balance in our life?

Balance is not a destination or an obtainable metric, but rather the management of competing needs and values ( WYLD Leadership).

Instead of aiming for complete balance, let's focus on creating wholeness."When we focus on the idea of wholeness, we provide ourselves with the tools for getting through those constant challenges and surprises. Wholeness is what fills you up and what helps you get through the day. Wholeness is also recognizing that self-care is a critical component to getting it all done; it is not about balancing it all – it’s about providing you with tools that will help you when life rushes past." -Smart Women Write

Balance can feel like everything in our lives has to be equal, however, this often is not possible for most of us. Each week, different areas of our lives could demand more of us, and that’s ok. Not having total balance does not make us bad people, colleagues, moms, friends, daughters, or partners... it makes us human. It’s all about identifying what is important to you and creating the time and space to focus on those areas to feel whole and complete.

What would it look like to shift from trying to achieve complete balance to incorporating acts of wholeness into your life?

(refer to well-being/wheel of life and energy exercises above to help with what this looks like for YOU)

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Optional Assessment Tools

1. Complete the CliftonStrengths assessment to know your greatest areas for potential and energy (connect with me if you would like a code at a discount of $10).

2. Complete the love languages quiz to learn how you give and receive love in order to to fill your own energy tank and the tanks of others.

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Other Resources

Visit my resources page for books to help you create your best life.

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"Life isn't about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself."

1. Which activity, tip, or exploration exercise do you want to try?